Testing out the phone

Hello from my phone!

Just downloaded the Blogger app.  Let's see if it will upload photos at a high enough quality from my phone...

Small - Bryann being the "animal whisperer"

X-Large - Bryann wakeboarding

Large - View from Mt. Tabor in b/w

Medium - Wine tasting in Walla Walla

Hmm... I'm not terribly happy with these.  Looks like if I HAVE to upload photos and blog from my phone, I'm sticking with the medium resolution.  But I still have to go back to the post from the computer in order to format and caption photos.  Not really worth it... 

Beach Healing

Bryann and I just got back from a weekend away at Pacific Blue, my family's beach house.  We always have an amazing time when we go, but this weekend was particularly restful.  It's been a busy, emotional last few weeks and we really needed the break.  Luckily, we had the foresight to reserve the house several months ago because without this last weekend, I might still be a wreck.

The beach house really isn't anything special to the untrained eye.  It's not even on the beach.  Most of the time, I refer to it as a "coastal home" so people unfamiliar with the house don't get the wrong idea.  It's a cute little house on the side of the highway, across the street from all of the beach houses and about a quarter mile from the beach itself.  But it has a special quality, or vibe to it that is so relaxing and healing to the soul.

Maybe it's that the house doesn't have cable TV or internet so you're kind of cut off from the outside world.  It barely even has cell reception.  I often have to go outside in order to make or receive calls.  Maybe it's that the house is entirely filled with old hand-me-downs from houses before.  Maybe it's that the house is so loved by our family that it can't help but be a healing place for those that visit.  Whatever it is, it does my heart good whenever I visit.

This weekend was spent sleeping (I was in bed, zonked out for 12 hours Friday night/Saturday morning,) reading, eating delicious clam chowder, and reconnecting/redefining our family now that Riley has been placed in a new home.  We spent most of Saturday on the beach playing fetch with Sam and re-training him to come when called, leave nasty things alone, stay close, and drop the Frisbee.  We put zero effort into food and decided that market clam chowder and a frozen lasagna was plenty to satisfy our hunger.  We watched the sunset last night, and lost two games in a row at Pandemic.  Damn those outbreaks!

We got home early today so that Bryann could make his flag-football game and to give us time to clean up the hazardous disaster area that has become our house.  I feel like healing has begun and we're ready to move forward with our lives.

A special thanks to Mom, Reezy, Grandma, and David for Pacific Blue.  We love that house and are so grateful to be able to spend weekends there, whether it be recuperating from emotional trauma, celebrating birthdays or family reunions, or gathering there with friends.

And finally, a few of my favorite shots of the weekend -

Perfect weather in October!

 Playing fetch with Sam at Twin Rocks

 Re-training Sam to sit and come when called

 Sam's ears flapping in the wind

 Good sit!

 Getting ready to chase down a flock of seagulls!

 It got a little chilly by sunset...

 ... but the view was worth it.

Saying Goodbye

I'm hoping this will be a cathartic experience.  I'm starting to cry already even trying to write this post...  When I'm upset, I tend to shut down and not talk about it so I don't have to feel pain anymore.  But that hasn't worked very well in the past, so here goes...

Last week, our dogs, Samson and Riley, got in a really nasty fight.  It started over food, but then 20 minutes later, when no food was around, it seemed they'd just had enough of each other and went at it.  I had a hard time separating them, they were so intent on attacking each other, but after a few attempts, I got them off each other.  Riley's eye was bleeding, so we had to take Riley to the emergency vet to get checked out.  Luckily, just his eyelid was cut, not his eye, but he had to wear a cone and go on pain meds and antibiotics.  When we got Riley home, Sam started growling at him, and we worried that they wouldn't be able to be around each other any more.

We called the Oregon Humane Society the next day to get some advice and references for a professional behaviorist.  We had a Vet Behaviorist come over to the house the day after to help us assess the situation and figure out if there was anything we could do.  She said that the behavior could be managed, but because of the severity of the fight, we probably wouldn't be able to "fix" everything and make them be "friends" again.

We told her all about Riley's food aggression history and his recent lashing out at strange dogs.  I told her about how I'd seen him first start snapping at other dogs when I took him to the Doggie Dash, and she agreed that the Doggie Dash was probably an overwhelming experience for Riley and that something may very well have snapped, but that there was no way I could have known before hand (since he'd been fine with other dogs at the dog park before) and that I shouldn't blame myself for all of his recent problems (which I'd been doing...) 

Bryann and I decided that it was in the best interest for both dogs, and for the future of our family when we have kids, to separate the dogs.  We seriously thought about re-homing Samson, but we decided we couldn't give up the dog we'd raised since puppyhood.  So we found Riley a new home. 

We have to say goodbye to Riley tomorrow night.  We are re-homing him with a very nice lady and her 2-year old son in Beaverton.  I hope he will be happy in his new home.  I hope he will be happier than with us.  I hope they can provide the environment for him that he needs.  I hope that my sorrow is for my own loss, and not for what might become of him.  I hope he does not experience too much trauma during the move.  I hope that he will provide his new family with as much joy, love, and unbridled affection as he has provided us in the year that we've had him.

Riley is the sweetest, most affectionate dog I've ever known, and I'm utterly heartbroken to be saying goodbye.  We met with Amy and her son last night to introduce them to Riley and to see if they would be a good fit.  We got an email from Amy this morning saying that she still thought he would be a good fit for their family.  We're going to visit their home on Wednesday, make sure everything is doggy appropriate, introduce him to his new home, and then say goodbye.  Amy is very understanding of how hard this is for us, and is happy to send updates and let us know how he is doing

I'm glad we found someone to re-home him with.  We were very honest with Amy about his history and what he needs.  I hated the thought of putting him in a shelter again.  But I know it's for the best.  It's been over a week, and Sam and Riley haven't been able to be within 5 feet of each other without Sam growling.  We've had to let them out at separate times, keep them in separate rooms, and put them back in their crates at night.  Riley is better off in a one-dog household where he won't have to compete with another dog over food or affection.

This has been a really difficult process for Bryann and me.  We really wanted two dogs.  Riley was "my" dog, but Bryann got really attached to him as well.  Right now, our dogs are our children.  Even though I know re-homing a dog is not nearly the same as giving a child away, it is still extremely painful and heartbreaking.  I can't help but blame myself for what happened.  I keep thinking that we should have been feeding them separately the entire time we've had them.  That we should have gotten a behaviorist to help out sooner.  That we missed the signs and we should have seen this coming.

But hindsight is 20/20 and we can't rewind the clock.  All we can do is learn from our mistakes, and try to do better the next time.  In the meanwhile, we'll try to allow ourselves to experience the grief and pain of saying goodbye, and save healing for another day.

Our Total Money Makeover

Last summer, Jeff introduced me to Dave Ramsey via podcasts.  After on a few episodes of his show, I was a convert.  I wanted to be debt-free (except for the house), so I bought a used copy of his Total Money Makeover book, and attempted to convert Bryann as well.  By October, I'd created a budget for us, converted our spending habits to cash-only, set up envelopes and tried to lower our spending so we'd be making some headway on our loans.  

We're fortunate enough to have been raised by very smart parents who taught us about the perils of credit cards when we were young.  So we don't have a mound of credit card debt.  However, we do have a mound of student loan debt, and I got real sick and tired of thinking about how we're actually going to end up paying almost double the cost of tuition because of all the interest we'll pay over the next 10-20 years.  I also wasn't terribly happy about the prospect of having to watch my paycheck go to loan payments for the next 10-20 years, so I declared war on our debts.  Bryann wasn't too sure about it, but loves me and respects that I want to be debt-free, so he attempted to get on board.  Besides, I made a pretty compelling argument about what our life could be like without debt, and he liked the idea of sucking it up for a couple years in order to kick those student loan debts out.  

Progress has been slow over the last year.  I could say it was because we were getting married, or because we were still working on remodeling our newly-purchased house.  Those things are true.  But we also weren't as diligent as we could have been about sticking to our budgets.  Bryann wasn't completely on board yet, and was always finding things for the house that we needed, and without Bryann motivating me, I succumbed to making luxury purchases, too.  

I don't mean to say that we failed.  We did manage to pay off about $10,000 in loans, but we could have done better. Bryann was looking at the budget forecasting a few weeks ago and realized we could have paid off the truck two months ago if we'd been better about sticking to our budgets.  After realizing this, Bryann read the Total Money Makeover book that I'd read last year and is now a complete convert. 

He's readjusted our budgets, emailed friends and let them know we had to put vacations on hold for awhile, cancelled a few credit cards, and planned out the budget for the next four months.  He's forecasted that we could have all student loans paid off by his birthday in two years, and has even considered the possibility of paying off our house in 3 more years after that.  This is a completely different Bryann, and now I feel like I have a real partner in this quest.  He's even created a blog to share our progress with others.  Check him out at his Oregon Trail to Debt Freedom blog site.  

I told Bryann last night how much I appreciated his change in attitude towards our spending habits, and being the one to step up and put vacations on hold (because I really, really like going on vacation...)  When he gets motivated, he really gets motivated.  But we laughed about how he had to do it in his own time, and come to the realization on his own.  No amount of nagging makes Bryann change his ways.  So help keep both of us motivated - check out his blog, become a member and follow along, and throw some encouraging comments our way.  It's going to be a tough two years, but we've already got the ball rolling and we're committed to our goals now.