Week 6

This week has been a whirlwind of emotions.  We had our families up for Christmas and decided to tell them about the pregnancy as an early Christmas present.  Needless to say, they were very excited and super supportive.  They helped ease some of my fears about not being ready, and not being able to handle the responsibilities and financial burden of parenthood.  Both of our respective parents had good times and bad and got through it all, and reassured us that we would, too.

We got a couple books, and lots of advice, and I feel like we're a little more grounded in this crazy journey.  I'd like to share this crazy journey with family and friends - hence the journal entries.  I'll write at the end of every week of my pregnancy and update with how the week went, the baby's growth, and what I've been going through as a pregnant lady.

I will say that the thought of this baby essentially growing itself baffles my mind.  I grew myself?  That is crazy.

What Baby T has been up to this week:

• Baby is the size of a sweet pea at 1/5 of an inch long and is considered an embryo at this point.  
• Last week, baby changed from a bundle of cells, and split half into the placenta and half into an embryo.  
• Now it looks like a tadpole with a bump on the top that is developing into a head and the face is separating into it's parts - jaws, cheek, and chin.  
• Organs are also starting to develop - including kidneys, liver, and lungs.

Pregnancy Symptoms include:

• Alright, I'm a little peeved on this point.  No one warned me about some of the pregnancy symptoms I could expect.  I'd only ever heard of morning sickness and stretch marks.  Apparently symptoms also include constipation, gas, and bloating, which I am feeling in full force, and which I will refer to here on out as "Digestive issues" because I'm pretty sure no one wants to read about how constipated or gassy I am all the time.  
• Ridiculously sore breasts.  Which should have been my first clue that I was pregnant because they were more sore than usual before a period.  Hugs hurt.  Actually, any movement at all hurts.  I've been having to wear a sports bra to bed.  

Day 4 of knowing

I've had a few days to let the news sink in.  I'm still not to the "elated" stage, but I'm getting slightly more used to the idea.  We had our first appointment with our OB, to confirm the pregnancy and talk about next steps.  I was in on December 6th to meet her, establish a PCP relationship, get my yearly exam, and I talked to her about us possibly thinking about maybe starting a family soon.  I think I had already suspected I might be pregnant, just from the timing of everything, not from actually feeling pregnant yet.  I don't remember when I called to find a PCP... it couldn't have been after the conception...  But anyway, I called the Providence line and just asked the operator to find me a female PCP near where I lived, and that's how I got hooked up with Dr. Darla Stupey.  I was excited to see she was an OB and a family practitioner before I even went in because I figured she could take care of everything I would ever need.  And I guess she will.
So anyway, Bryann and I went back in today and the nurse teased me a little bit about how she had JUST seen me and how funny it was that I had been talking about maybe getting pregnant, and how I was probably already pregnant when I came in, and how there was another patient in the exact same situation - had come in super recently about prenatal stuff and then come in a few weeks later pregnant.
So I figure it's all fate, or God, or the Universe working things out the way they were meant.  I tend to do my part and leave things up to the Universe to guide me, and it has all worked out so far, so why would now be any different.  I called the Providence operating system and asked for a female PCP.  They found me an OB.  I think I secretly WANTED to be pregnant at the time.  I was hopeful. I was reading blogs about drinking and caffeine before pregnancy the whole next week.  I took a pregnancy test the following weekend because I'd read that results could show up in a week to 10 days.  It came out negative and I was slightly disappointed, but honestly, mostly relieved.  Because I didn't think it was a good time, and we had a good plan in place - get Bryann through school, work down our loans, get our jobs established, look at moving into a bigger house, THEN have baby.  Turns out those plans are not to be.  And I'm slowly becoming ok with that.  I'll work on it.  The more people I see that are EXCITED about me being pregnant, the more excited I am.  Though I haven't reached excited stage yet.  It still feels foreign and weird and like a crazy dream that I'll wake up from.  I was talking to Annie last night after book club, about pregnancy stuff, and I had a weird moment where I was floating up out of my body and looking down at myself talking about pregnancy and thinking how weird I sounded, and thinking why was I faking all of this?  Weird, huh?  Anyway, it's hard to know what I really feel right now.  I go back and forth between being excited and being terrified of how we'll make it work.  But I keep thinking this must be the right time for us, whether we know it, or think so, or not.
Bryann is at the elated stage.  He's so happy.  and it makes me happy to see him happy.  I'm glad one of us is excited about this.  Maybe if I start talking to the baby...
Last thing, a funny story I couldn't find a place to put in.  When we were visiting the OB, the nurse was asking about symptoms, and when my last period was, and how was I feeling now, and Bryann is sort of smiling, smirking in the corner of the room.  When the nurse leaves, he starts giggling and says "you guys were just talking about your p...puh... period!"  What a child  :-p  I'm going to have two babies on my hands.  I'm so glad for him though.  He makes me smile and keeps me laughing and keeps me positive.
It's weird to think I'll be celebrating Mother's Day for real this coming year...

I'm Pregnant...

Soooo.......  I'm pregnant.  We're going to have a baby.  Little baby Turner.

(What I do when I'm faced with something new is read and research and over-educate myself about it so I'm uber prepared.  So one of the things I read about when I was reading and researching and overly-educating myself about my newfangled condition was to start a pregnancy journal and write down my thoughts every day.  So here are my thoughts today...)

Holy fu*#ing sh*t I'm pregnant.  I can't believe I'm pregnant.  This is completely unfathomable, though I can't pretend to not understand how it happened...  hahahahahahahahahah  The PLAN was to avoid relations when my handy dandy calendar said I was probably ovulating.  The problem is that I'd gotten pretty lazy with it and wasn't checking it religiously like I used to. So when said relations happened and Bryann made a comment afterwards, like he usual does, about how his super powerful sperm probably just impregnated me, I realized I hadn't looked to make sure it was a non-fertile day.  Sure enough, my handy dandy calendar said I would be ovulating the next day, but I was sure our one mishap wouldn't result in a pregnancy.  I had actually convinced myself that we would have a really difficult time getting pregnant.  Over the last year, I've met 4 women my age who have been trying to conceive for YEARS, some of whom have even tried fertility treatmtents, to no avail.  Which is a large part of the reason that we've been so careless the last year or so.  These women advised me to just stop NOT trying, so I wouldn't be stressed out TRYING, and make it harder to conceive.  When we got married I stopped taking birth control, figuring that if we did accidentally get pregnant, we were ready and could handle it.

Anyway, I thought there was a chance I was pregnant just because of the timing, so I took a pregnancy test last week (12 days after the possible conception) and it was negative.  So I figured I was good to go for a weekend of drinking - a beer on Friday and lots of wine at Wine & Dine on Saturday.  According to my calendar, my period was supposed to start Friday, but it didn't and I wasn't worried because I'm usually on a 30-day cycle instead of the 28 day on the calendar.  So I wasn't even concerned when it didn't start Saturday.  I was getting the usual symptoms, so I figured it would start Sunday.  But still no period Sunday.  Plus the symptoms were a little different than usual.  By late Sunday night, I had a gut feeling that something was up and asked Bryann if I was just being paranoid of if he would go to the store and pick up another test.  He said I was being paranoid, but if it didn't start today, to go ahead and re-test.  No period this morning, slightly different cramps and tenderness, a lot suspicious.  On my break, I went to the store to get a test, peed in a cup, saw it turn a very very bright pink and unmistakably positive, and freaked out.  A lot.

I called Bryann like 11 times because he didn't pick up his phone, and almost called my mom, but Bryann got out of his meeting and called me back.  He was very excited, and slightly teary, and noticeably more thrilled than I was.  I told Alesia, my co-worker and panel presentation partner, because she noticed something was amiss, and then later that day I called Annie because she is pregnant, and she talked me down from my ledge - telling me not to worry and that the baby wasn't attached at this point to my uterine wall, and wasn't getting any nutrients directly from my food/beverage intake, and the changes of miscarriage were actually quite low from drinking just one weekend.  She came over after work and brought me another pregnancy test.  Still very bright pink, still definitely pregnant.  She talked to us more, and commiserated, gave some advice, showed me some helpful websites, and I've been reading and researching ever since.

Conception was Nov. 29th, so I'm currently, technically, in week 5 of my pregnancy (even though it's only week 3 since conception) with a due date of August 23rd, 2013.  Right now, baby is the size of an orange seed and apparently looks like a tadpole.  I'm supposed to start taking prenatal vitamins, drink more water, eat more super foods, and ween myself off of caffeine.  So far I'm just pregnant.   I'm still in disbelief.  This is really not a great time for us to be pregnant.  Bryann just started school, and I wanted to be in a better financial position.  I wanted him to be done with school, I wanted to have our student loans paid off, and I wanted to have a plan in place before any of this baby stuff happened.  But I would rather be surprised pregnant, than all planned and ready to go and then have a hard time conceiving and the be stressed about the process.  I know we'll figure it out and we have a fantastic support network around us.

I'm done with my thoughts now.  Not my best piece of writing, but maybe I'll get more eloquent when it sinks in a little more.  :-)

November in Review

Had a girls weekend in Seattle with my wonderful, amazing friends and fellow book-club members.  We were reading "Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet" which is based in Seattle, so we spent the weekend at Annie's parents' place on Bainbridge Island, and enjoyed lots of much-need girl time.

On the ferry en-route to Seattle

Pike's Place Market

Tea sampling

Mac & Cheese!!

Panama Hotel (where the book took place) still houses left-over belongings  from  the Japanese internment

Had Lychee tea at the Panama Hotel

Girls weekend participants

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I went on my first ever business trip!  I spent four days in Missoula, Montana with my Epic Core team and helped get them ready for the St. Patricks Hospital Go-Live.  And as an added bonus, it turns out Missoula is home to some great breweries!

My beer-sampler at the Montana Club - all are from Missoula breweries

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Went to another Wine & Dine party at Katee and Travis's!  Got to meet (and hold) their new baby, Isaac.  Sorry, no pictures!  It was a small, intimate party of 8 and we had a delicious pre-Thanksgiving meal, you know, to prep our stomachs, and tasty wine!  My favorite was the Headsnapper Radiant Red.

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Sang in my third choir concert with Consonare Chorale.  I love my choir, and I'm so glad I'm singing again!  In this last concert, I auditioned for and got a part to sing as part of an octet in "Lieto Godea: (see below)

Program from latest concert

I'm not actually in this photo, but this is the view of our choir at First Congregational 

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Hosted my parents for 6 days, and had other family members over for our 3rd annual Thanksgiving Potluck. As always, it was a smashing success.  We missed Reezy and Grandma, but they called us that morning, and we had them there in spirit.

Aside from Thanksgiving dinner, we got a few projects done around the house thanks to the ReBuilding Center and the help and know-how of my dad.  We went to our traditional fun Thanksgiving movie and saw Wreck-it Ralph.  And did the traditional pre-Christmas shopping trip with mom!

Gathered round for Thanksgiving dinner

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Started on our second homebrew.  We attempted a spiced IPA, and if it turns out to be any good, we're calling "Hoppy Holidays IPA"

"Hoppy Holidays" going through it's first fermentation on the kitchen counter

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That about wraps up our thrilling November!  As usual, we enjoyed time spent with friends, family, and each other.  We're so blessed in this little life of ours.

Day 30: Being Alive

I think it's public knowledge that my love of music came from growing up on musical soundtracks and renditions of musical numbers by the great Barbara Streisand and Bette Midler.  I'm thankful for music showing us the meaning of life, the nuances of the human heart, and for putting into rhythms, melodies, and words the things we all feel but can never seem to adequately express.  This has been one of my most favorite songs since I can remember loving music.

Here's Sondheim's "Being Alive" from Company.  And thanks to Bryann for being that "Somebody."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBBPKedba5o

Someone to hold you too close,
Someone to hurt you too deep,
Someone to sit in your chair,
And ruin your sleep...

Someone to need you too much,
Someone to know you too well,
Someone to pull you up short,
To put you through hell...

Someone you have to let in,
Someone whose feelings you spare,
Someone, who like it or not,
Will want you share
A little, a lot....


Someone to crowd you with love,
Someone to force you to care
Someone to make you come through
Who'll always be there
As frightened as you
Of being alive
Being alive,
Being alive,
Being alive.

Somebody, hold me too close,
Somebody, hurt me too deep,
Somebody, sit in my chair,
And ruin my sleep,
And make me aware
Of being alive,
Being alive

Somebody, need me too much,
Somebody, know me too well,
Somebody, pull me up short,
And put me through hell,
And give me support
For being alive.
Make me alive.
Make me alive!

Make me confused,
Mock me with praise,
Let me be used,
Vary my days.

But alone is alone,
Not alive.

Somebody, crowd me with love,
Somebody, force me to care,
Somebody, let me come through,
I'll always come through,
As frightened as you
To help us survive
Being alive
Being alive
Being alive

Day 29: Musicals

Also, Bryann's love of musicals - otherwise I may not get to see so many!!

Bryann is currently addicted to Stephen Sondheim.  Which means we constantly have "Sweeny Todd" and "Company" playing in the background of our lives.  He pulls up the movie of live production of either and it plays while we make dinner, or are cleaning, doing laundry, getting ready for bed.  It makes household tasks much more fun.  I've even caught him SINGING ALONG!!

We found "Sunday in the Park with George" and "Into the Woods" on Amazon Prime Instant Viewing, so I'm sure we'll get around to watching those this weekend, and maybe Bryann will get adicted to those soundtracks as well, but for now, we're catching up on some of the revival productions of "Sweeny" and "Company."  Bryann rented the 2002 revival of "Sweeny Todd in Concert" (starring the George Hearn -the original Sweeny - Patty LuPone, and Neil Patrick Harris) from the Marylhurst Library and we watched that on Tuesday.  Tonight we're watching the 2011 revival of Company with NPH and Patty LuPone again!)

Aside from watching and listening to soundtracks from musicals, we live in this wonderful city of Portland where Broadway Across America brings us amazing shows like Phantom of the Opera, Wicked, Rent, West Side Story, Avenue Q, Monty Python, etc.  There are also really excellent theater companies where we've seen outstanding productions of Sweeny Todd, Company (again with the Sondheim!), Legally Blonde, UrineTown, and The Putnam County Spelling Bee.

I love musicals.  I'm thankful they exist.  The music from musicals forms the backbone of my childhood music education.  I would hate to live without them.

Day 28: My Awesome Brain

I'm in a training program for my new job, and I'm basically back in school, only it's way harder than I remember school being.  When I was in High School, I had to pay attention to teachers all day long, and I had to be constantly learning and thinking.  College was way easier because I only had class for 2 or 3 hours a day and then I studied and wrote papers on my own time at my discretion.  In my CT (Credentialed Trainer) program, I'm in front of a computer learning different aspects of a new program, all day long.  AND trying to interpret the terminology of everything since I don't have a medical background.  And my brain is exhausted at the end of the day!  But I'm learning!  I CAN learn new tricks!  It's kind of fun to be back in "class" again in the student role.  Exploring, asking questions, figuring out how things connect to each other.  I'm glad to have the opportunity, and I'm thankful for the capabilities to learn new things.

Day 27: Homebrewing

As I mentioned in my Hobbies post, Bryann and I have recently taken up brewing our own beer.  Thanks to Annie and Aaron, their gear, and their know-how, we made a successful batch of our very first brew - Apricot Cream Ale.  I wrote a bit about it in my October Month in Review, but we went to the Portland U-Brew & Pub in Sellwood to get grains, malt, yeast, and hops.  They have super reasonable prices and the guy that runs the store was really helpful - he gave us a basic recipe for Cream Ale and walked us around the shop, giving us explanations on what stuff was and how different types of malt affects the taste of the beer.  We added Apricot puree to the cream ale to make it our own.

We started another beer on Sunday - "Hoppy Holidays IPA".  We went back to the U-Brew store, picked up supplies, told the guy what we were thinking of doing, and he gave us a basic IPA recipe that we just tweaked with some different hops and added spices to the boil.  It's currently fermenting in a carboy on our kitchen counter, and will be ready in a few weeks.

As we've discovered with the Apricot Cream Ale, the beer gets better with age.  It's been a few weeks since we started drinking the Cream Ale, and it's noticeably better and more flavorful since it's been aging in the keg.

I'm looking forward to tasting the new brew!  We won't know if it's any good until it's ready, so here's hoping!!

"Hoppy Holidays IPA" fermenting on our kitchen counter

Selection of malts

Add caption

Day 26: The Handy-Men in My Life

I wrote about replacing the sinks in our house a few days ago.  Thank goodness for my Dad and for Bryann knowing how to do all of that stuff.  I like to think I'm pretty handy and can figure my way around stuff, but I can't do things that require a lot of strength like pry out sinks from counter tops or lift cast-iron sinks into holes in counter tops.

We also had a gigantic clog in our drain after brewing a batch of beer and Bryann putting the steeped grains down the garbage disposal.  Gross, icky stuff was coming up from our master bathtub and made me gag a little bit when I saw it.  Thank goodness for Bryann who can stomach gross stuff. He snaked the drains, and got the clogs out.  I'm thankful he knows how to do all of that stuff so I don't have to worry about it.  It was nice not to stress about what to do when I realized the pipes were clogged.  I could relax, knowing that Bryann knew how to take care of it.

Day 25: Hobbies and New Hobbies

I need to reiterate how much I love Bryann and how thankful I am for his adventurous spirit.  He's always up trying new things, and he thinks life is too boring if you don't have hobbies to keep you interesting.  His love of trying out new things, developing hobbies and interests motivates me to try new things and develop new hobbies.  He's the reason I joined a choir again, and I'm so thankful for him!  I'm thankful we have things we're interested in and activities we pursue besides watching TV.  Bryann has several board game groups, and plays softball and flag football.  I'm in choir, go to Zumba classes (when I'm motivated enough) and have a book club with friends, sporadic blogging, and sometimes I'll even play board games too!  We both love camping, hiking, backpacking, skiing, theater & musicals, wine tasting, and our new hobby is brewing our own beer!  I'm thankful for this interesting and diverse life I live.

Day 24: ReBuilding Center

Our kitchen and bathroom sinks are pretty used and abused and we've been thinking about replacing them.  We went to Home Depot to look at sinks and faucets - which are fairly expensive, and with our current budget, unaffordable.  So we looked into buying a few used sinks.  Lucky for us there are several recycled goods stores in the Portland area.  There are Tool Libraries where you can borrow practically any household toll you can think of.  There's a ReUse Habitat for Humanity store that was closed this weekend, so we went to the ReBuilding Center.  We found a Kohler cast iron white kitchen sink for $25 that normally retails for $400, and an American Standard faucet for $10, that retails for over $100!  We also found two Kohler cast-iron sinks for both bathrooms, each $10, normally around $100.  In short, we saved a bunch of money.  They required a little elbow grease to get them looking clean and shiny, and some know-how to get them installed, but without places like the ReBuild Center, we wouldn't have been able to do these projects.

Here are some photos from installation day today:

Old, scratched up, shallow stainless steel sink

Ripped up and prepped

New(ish) Kohler cast iron sink with single handle faucet and soap dispenser!

Bathroom sink ripped out and prepped

Men working on man things like installing sinks!

Day 23: Grandma

My Grandma is a fun ol' gal.  She wasn't able to be at our Thanksgiving dinner because she's in a lot of pain right now (related to her back) and is currently resting and seeing a lot of doctors and trying to get the pain under control.  But if she HAD been with us, she'd have been hogging the ice cream and dibs-ing the first serving of pie, claiming that she's too old to wait around for others.

She's got a fascinating history, and if you ask her, she'll tell you all kinds of pre-war and WWII stories, or civil rights, medicine, technology, or spiritual stories.  If you get her talking long enough about spiritual stuff, you'll hear some amazing stuff about intuition and the special properties of our beach house.  If you don't quite believe in the same stuff, you'll probably think she's crazy, but we don't care.  I'm thankful I've always lived near her and could see her often throughout the year, and I get something new every time I visit with her.

Day 22: Thanksgiving

The reason I'm focusing on being thankful.  The reason we registered for wedding china.  :-P The reason we get together as a family every year and gorge ourselves on a giant meal.  I love this holiday, and I am thankful for being given the opportunity to focus on the things I'm thankful for.  It's an extremely helpful exercise for me, and the refocusing has helped tremendously already.

Here are a few photos from the day:

All of us gathered around the table for our T-day Feast

Dad and Poppy in there respective napping positions...  :-P

Thank you mom, dad, Adam, David, and Audy for gathering with us and warming our home with your love.  Reezy and Grandma - we missed you, we love you, and we're glad you had each other for a lovely Thanksgiving at the Mannor!  

Day 21: My Parents

My parents got in tonight and I'm already having fun visiting with them!  They brought delicious wines with them (currently drinking a Castle Rock 2009 Columbia Valley Syrah) and I made Red Curry Chicken over Jasmine Brown Rice for dinner.  It's always nice to play hostess and have them over.  I'm glad I have a good relationship with my parents, and that I actually enjoy spending time with them!

Day 20: My Health

With my new job at Providence came a new choice in healthcare.  I'm now signed up for an HSA that I can contribute pre-tax money into, and Providence contributes incentive bonus money towards as well.  All of my routine exams are covered at 100% by Providence, and anything additional, and/or prescriptions I pay for from my HSA account.  The money in my HSA also rollsover from year to year and throughout my retirement.

I had the option to continue with a traditional healthcare plan, but an HSA was MUCH cheaper for me month by month because I don't have to contribute anything to it if I don't want to, and I think will be cheaper for me in the long run because I don't have any health problems that require me to see a doctor often enough to justify the monthly payment.  Which brings me to what I'm thankful for today - my health.  I hope that if I continue to take care of myself, I'll remain this healthy for a long time.  I know crazy stuff happens and I come down with an awful condition for no reason, but all the more reason to be thankful for my healthy state today.

Day 19: Video Chats

My friend Jeff is attending business school at Dartmouth, so he and his girlfriend Amber moved cross country.  Fortunately, this handy invention called video chatting exists and I get to "hang out" with them for a little "facetime" (depending on which video chatting method you subscribe to.)  It's definitely a step up from talking on the phone, and it makes me feel like they're not so terribly far away after all.  

Day 18: Lazy Sundays

Today wasn't ENTIRELY lazy.  Bryann went to play flag football.  We cleaned and re-organized the office and the spare bedroom a bit.  We took Sammy for a walk to the park and threw the ball around.  But I didn't change out of my pajamas all day...  :-P

 I'm thankful that we're in a position to enjoy a lazy day every now and then.  It's good for my soul.

Day 17: My Fans

Consonare performed it's opening Fall concert at First Congregational tonight, and several of my friends (and even one of Bryann's board game friends!) came to the concert.  I feel so loved when people come to my concerts, I'm so thankful for their support - and the support of others who've attended concerts in the past!

Day 16: Our House Location

I know I wrote about this last year, but I'm still thankful for our house.  I love our home.  It's perfect for us, and as fate would have it, it's in a perfect location for both of our jobs.  Neither of us could have foreseen that we'd both be working on the East side, and our current job location wasn't a purposeful choice.  But I'm just a 10 minute drive from Providence Milwaukie, Bryann is 20 minutes from Oregon City, and neither of us have to fight traffic to get to or from work.  

Day 15: Mid-Week Dinner with Friends

We just got back from Tamara and Rian's.  We had some of Tamara's AMAZING chili, and we brought some cornbread and a quart of our home-brewed beer.  We weren't celebrating anything in particular, just getting together for a mid-week dinner and movie.  But we joked, and laughed, and lifted each other's spirits, and stuffed ourselves with delicious food.  I love this time in our lives that we're so young and free to have a mid-week dinner date with friends.

Day 14: Slow Cookers

Is it weird to be thankful for "things"?  

Our schedules have been way busier this fall what with my new job, choir rehearsals, and Bryann in class twice a week, so making dinner has been difficult.  We've taken to making slow-cooker meals lately and they've been a complete meal-saver.  I threw together a beef stew on my lunch break yesterday (I work super close and can come home for lunch sometimes) and it got us through dinner last night, lunch today, and dinner tonight.  

<3!!  

Day 13: Consonare Chorale

Tonight, we had dress rehearsal for our concert this coming Saturday.  Dress rehearsals are always a point of anxiety for most of us.  Are we ready?  Do we have the notes? Do we have the music memorized?  Are we comfortable enough with the non-memorized pieces to look up and watch Georgina for guidance in ambiance and the intricacies of the music?  I'm always a little nervous pre-dress rehearsal that the concert will be a disaster and I'll regret inviting everyone I know.

But dress rehearsal always works out the nerves and the kinks and eases our worries.  We're always ready. Because we're a high caliber group, and we're all passionate about music and performing to the highest of our abilities.

I love being a part of Consonare.  I was told in college to treasure the time I had with Chamber Choir because I would never again sing in a truly great choir again.  Well, that was before Georgina (a former WU Chamber Choir alumn) created Consonare and showed Dr. Long that truly great choirs do exist outside of college.  I love music, I love singing, and I love being a part of such an amazing group of musicians and people.

So thankful I took a risk last December and auditioned.  I'm so thankful I got in!  I'm so thankful I get to share my passion with like-minded and equally talented musicians once a week, 9 months out of the year!  :-D

Day 12: Flexibility of My New Job

I worked from home today and it was awesome.  I have a company laptop instead of a cubicle, which means I can (and often do) work from several different locations.  So far, I've worked from the Milwaukie Hospital, the Providence Office Park, Missoula, and my house.

I'm an hourly employee, paid on an 80 hour pay period.  Outside of classes I'm teaching, or meetings I have to attend, my managers don't care how I get in my 80 hours.  My schedule is super flexible and I can set my own working hours.  I worked 47 hours last week, so today, to fill in those 3 hours I needed for today, I stayed in my pajamas, made some coffee, and worked on some excel tracking stuff my team needed.  I think I really love this job.  :-D

Day 11: Bryann's Teammates

Bryann plays in a Men's and Co-Ed softball league as well as a flag football league.  His teammates (and their wives/husbands) have become good friends of ours.  They came to our bachelor/ette parties, to our wedding, to Christmas and holiday and birthday parties.  They're great people and I'm thankful to have them in our lives.

Day 10: Wine & Dine

We had November's Wine & Dine party at Katy and Travis's home tonight.  We got to try some yummy wines - the theme was "wines with people on the label" and my favorite was the Head Snapper Red - and play with Katy and Travis's new baby boy, Isaac.  

Our wine & dine group has been going strong for over 3 years, and I'm thankful for my fantastic friends who keep the tradition going!  

Day 9: Snow!

It just started snowing in Missoula last night.  And it's gorgeous here!  I wish it snowed more in Portland.  I miss the high desert, winter snow and mountains that I grew up with in Klamath Falls.  Luckily, we're not too far from Mt. Hood and we get over to the mountain a few times every winter to go skiing.  Nate is trying to convince me to try snow camping this year.  I do really like snow, but I really don't like being cold. Weird, huh?

Day 8: My New Co-Workers

I've always had pretty good luck with co-workers.  I'm in Missoula this week to help get the Epic training stuff started for the big switch in a few weeks, and I got to meet the rest of my team.  We've been out to dinner every night as a group, and spent tonight playing catch phrase with pizzas and beer at the hotel.

I'm thankful to be a part of such an awesome group!

Day 7: Election Results

I don't think anyone super conservative reads this Blog, so I'm not going to worry about offending anyone. I stay far far away from posting anything political on Facebook, because I've seen some of the nasty things people say to each other through comments. I have a lot of friends on FB that don't share my political views and don't see the point in arguing or losing friends over opposing views.

That being said, I'm glad Obama won, and I hope he'll use his second term more aggressively. I'm glad to see the first ever openly gay/lesbian candidate elected to the US Senate. I'm glad that four states elected marriage equality measures. I feel like marriage equality is at a tipping point and will start getting a greater margin of support in the coming years.

I'm a bit sad that over 6 billion dollars was spent on political marketing, and the country with the same balance of power, and someday I hope we will rework how campaign fundraising is done.

Day 6: Modern Transportation

I'm in Missoula, Montana for work this week and I'm pretty amazed at the ease with which I travelled 550 miles today. Bryann dropped me off (via our car) at the Max station this morning and I took the train to the airport. Then I caught a flight to Seattle, then to Missoula, where I picked up a rental car and drove to the hotel. Total travel time: 6 hours.

By foot: 7 days, 13 hours

By bike: 2 days, 6 hours

By car: 9 hrs, 43 mins

I did good. VERY thankful I didn't have to hoof it - though now I do wish Google maps gave travel time estimates by horse.

Day 5: Clean and Abundant Water

Part of this exercise is to think about the "have"s in my life rather than the "have not"s.  As I took my 10 minute, scalding hot shower this morning, brushed my teeth, made coffee, poured water for Sam, and then walked outside to the rain, I was thankful for living in a place where access to fresh, clean water was not something I ever had to worry about.

Day 4: Being "Laid Off"

And by "laid off" I mean let go by claims that they had budget cuts, allowed to collect unemployment, and learning later on that they'd re-filled my position and several others with someone else.  

But I hadn't been completely happy teaching, and I hadn't been at ALL happy at Cascade.  And I wasn't about to quit my job.  So I'm thankful that I was "laid off" and forced out into the unknown, with unemployment as a safety net, to explore what I was really looking for.  

I've heard the saying a million times about when one door closes, another door opens.  But I heard a comedian on the radio recently describe it more as an opportunity to purge your life of the old crap cluttering everything up.  To clean house in order to be really ready and open to pursuing whatever opportunities come next.  

And so far, I've really enjoyed what came next.  

Day 3 - Family

Family will always be on my list of things to be thankful for.  I have a loving, supportive, functional family, and I'm thankful to be in the same area of the world.  A lot of people live far away from their families (and by far, I mean not within a day's drive) and see them maybe once a year.  I have everyone I'm closest to all in the same state!  My parents are in Klamath, Grandma in Salem, and Reezy, David, and Adam in Portland!  I see the whole gang several times a year  - holiday dinners, brunches, tea parties, back yard BBQ's, birthday parties, beach weekends, etc. 

Granted, some people prefer only seeing their families once a year, but part of what I'm thankful for is that I actually LIKE my family.  No, LOVE my family.  :-) 




Backyard BBQ this past summer with the family!

 

Day 2 - My New Job

I'm enjoying my new role as a trainer at Providence.  Though I haven't actually started teaching classes yet, since my own training won't start until the 13th.  But I'm thankful to be in a healthier work environment.  I'm not being paid with someone's personal check anymore.  There's an HR department.  I have rights and responsibilities.  I didn't realize how PTSD I was from Cascade, but everytime someone says they want to talk to me or that they'd like to schedule a check-in via our chat system, I start having an anxiety attack.  At Cascade, whenever a higher-up wanted to talk to me, it was because they found some newfangled excuse to go on a power trip and make me feel like a terrible, undeserving person.  I'm still recovering, I suppose.  I didn't realize what an emotionally abusive and manipulative situation I was in until I was in something "normal" for awhile. 

Month of Thanks-Giving is Back!

It's that time of year again!  Time to quite dwelling on all the things I don't have and give thanks for all the great things I do have! 

#1 - Bryann Turner (you totally didn't see that coming, did you??) 

He's amazing.  :-) 

I've been hearing stories from the women at my new job about their ex-husbands or crappy boyfriends, or friends crappy husbands, and I often find myself wondering 1) why these women are dating such awful men, and 2) are there really not many good guys out there? 

I'm lucky I don't have to worry about that.  I have a great guy all to myself! 
 

Us being awesome at my friend's "Wiggin Out" birthday party



October: Month in Review

Said goodbye to an awesome friend (and bridesmaid!) before she packed up and moved to Seattle for a new and improved job with Microsoft.

Saw "Legally Blonde: The Musical" with good friends and fellow musical lovers.

Spent a glorious weekend at Pacific Blue with the hubs and the puppy.  Climbed a mountain, had a bonfire, relaxed on the beach, and frolicked in the waves.

Started my new job as an Epic Credentialed Trainer at Providence. 

Had another successful Wine & Dine, after which my friend Katee went into labor and gave birth to baby boy Isaac.  So many milestones happen at Wine & Dine parties! 

Went to the Pumpkin Patch with my mom - her first time - and some other fall-loving buddies. 

Made our very own beer - our first time - with the help of our seasoned beer-making friends, Annie & Aaron.  (Stay tuned for November's sampling of our Apricot Cream Ale.) 

Visited the Davis Graveyard in Milwaukie (5 mins. from our house) and got legitimately spooked out by their homemade gravestones, cemetary abby, and life-sized ghouls.

Watched the Zombie "Thriller" dance at OMSI and mingled with some freaky looking zombies! 

Dressed up in full costume at partied at the Schlyper's for their 1st annual Halloween Monster Mash.  I was a Roman Goddess and Bryann was a Cave Stud. 

Saw the one-night only production of "A Chorus Line" (one of our favorites) at the Schnitz.

Where'd the Sun Go?!?

It's officially fall in Portland.  I actually feel like we skipped fall all together and have blasted straight into winter.  The nice weather lasted for so long into October that I wasn't quite prepared for the cold, rainy weather to come back.  Instead of the usual crisp cold with sun, we're getting frosty morning windows and rain.  The only thing keeping me from feeling like it's the dead of winter is the gorgous leaves on the trees.  I can't wait until the tree in our front yard gets those bright red leaves! 

Bryann is determined to keep the heat off until November, but I complained enough on Tuesday (the house was 59!!!) that he turned the gas pilot light back on and let me turn on the fireplace.  He also, begrudgingly, let me put the flannel sheets on the bed.  :-)  Add and an extra blanket on the bed - on my side only though because somehow, even when it's 50 degrees at night, B still manages to start sweating - and some heat to the house, and I'll be ready to snuggle in for the winter. 

This has been a rough few weeks getting settled back into the swing of working full-time.  B has classes on Mondays and Wednesdays, and I have choir rehearsals on Tuesdays while B goes to board game night, Plus google chat is disabled on my work computer so we really only see or talk to each other for about an hour before we go to bed on those days.  It's been kind of nice though.  We stay up later than usual talking and laughing in bed, trying to go to sleep, but always thinking of one more thing we didn't get to tell the other person during the day.  :-D

We really need to figure out a new meal plan.  B doesn't usually come home between work and school on Mondays and Wednesdays and Tuesday is a huge rush between getting home, eating, and going to our respective events.  We've been getting stuck with no real dinner, and no leftovers for lunch the next day.  I think I've OD'ed on Mac & Cheese (a travesty, I know) and B usually ends up skipping dinner before his class and comes home starving.  We're thinking if we do a big meal on Sunday (or a crockpot if we have evening plans) that could carry over for lunches and dinner on Monday.  Then crockpot for dinner on Tuesday and leftovers for Wednedsay lunch and dinner.  There's a couple slow-cooker blogs I like and can find tasty recipes from, so we're going to try meal planning for all of next week, getting all of next week's groceries this weekend, and see how that goes. 

October has been rough, financially.  I stopped claiming unemployment when I got hired at Providence but that left us with 3 weeks without income this month.  We're trying to cash-flow Bryann's MBA program and not go into any more debt, so our payments for each term are spread out over 3 months.  The anti-lock break system in the truck went out, so that was a huge chunk of our emergency fund, plus it's time for both of our vehicle registration renewals.  Plus my car has started vibrating and we're taking it in next week to get checked out and fixed.  Other than the unforseen vehicle expenses, we've done pretty well with the budget this month, but the rest of this fall is going to continue to be tough.  We're losing John as a roommate so we're thinking of finding someone else to replace him, and keep that supplemental income. 

I know we'll figure it all out.  In spite of our ongoing financial woes, we're really happy.  Even with all the hustle and bustle, this month has been full of fun activities and quality time with loved ones.  I often find myself marveling at how blessed we are. 

Month in review to come next week!

New Beginnings

All that I know of tomorrow is that Providence will rise before the sun

-Jean Baptiste Lacordaire

(I am the most dreadful blogger.  If I leave too much time between posts, I get overwhelmed with all of the things I want to write about, and then I go into overload paralysis.  This is my attempt to break free.. again...)

The last thing I wrote about was that things were looking up on the job front.  When I wrote that post, I had a few interviews in the works but hadn't heard back with an offer yet.  The day before, I had an interview for a trainer position with Providence Health & Services, and that Friday I got a verbal offer for the job!  It took more than a month to get everything settled, and I didn't want to talk about it because I didn't want to jinx it.  (I'm still a 4th grader at heart who believes in the power of jinxing things.)  But over the course of 5 weeks, I got the written offer, went through salary negotiations, completed a background check, a health and drug screening, and a bunch of nire hire paperwork.  And now that I've been working for 5 days, I think it's finally safe to talk about my new job! 

I'm the new Credentialed Trainer in Epic Administration (though I'm not credentialed yet...)  Providence switched to using Epic - an electronic medical records system - with the help of government stimulus funds, and I'm going to be teaching hospital staff - providers, surgeouns, OB's, therapists, and a few other support professionals - how to use the Inpatient application of Epic.  I'm really excited about the switch from K-12 Education to Healthcare and I'm happy that I still get to teach.

I even get an ID badge!  

I started this week with a full day at the Providence Office Park with the generic new employee orientation along with about 100 other new hires from all different departments and backgrounds.  It was an interesting day and I'm glad they start all new employees off with the orientation.  And it was really weird at the same time because I was treated really well.  I know this is probably standard with most businesses, but there was a breakfast buffet, free lunch at the cafe, snacks brought in during the afternoon sessions, and hearing about all the benefits and perks of being an employee just made me feel like Providence really values their staff.  I made some new friends at lunch - just like it was my first day of school - and talked to quite a few people who were returning to Providence after hating their other jobs.  People who'd worked at insurance companies, or even competing hospitals like Kaiser, and were tired of working in the corporate world.  So it was encouraging to hear the stories from people who'd left and came back because they think Providence is such a great place to be.  After my last work environment, this is a breath of fresh air and a relief that the people who work here are happy. 

For the rest of this week, I've been at Providence Milwaukie.  I'm not actually in the hospital, I'm working in a house right behind the hospital that Providence owns, and which they call a satelite office.  My days are a little bizzare for now, and will be for the next few weeks because I don't actually start my training until November 13th.  Intially I was going to start my Epic training on October 1st in Montana, but the hiring process took too long and they couldn't get me onboarded in time to start the program.  But they didn't want to loose me, so they got me started and I'm going to be doing random stuff until I start my training program.  I'm still a little mixed up on who's who and what's what.  I've met a few people working on the Epic project but some of them are private contractors from out of town only here for a few months, and some of them work for Providence but don't live in Portland.  I haven't met my supervisor yet, and I only met the project coordinator briefly on Tuesday because she lives in Renton.  I have a feeling that after my training program is complete, I'm going to be traveling a lot.  :-) 

My "office" aka the living room of an old house

The people that I have met so far have been great, and super helpful.  I don't have a lot of direction and I don't work with any supervisors in the building so there's no one around to tell me what to do.  I've just been trying to be helpful for others on their projects, and in the meanwhile, trying to learn Epic and some medical terminology on my own.  I'm meeting my supervisor and getting hooked up with a CT buddy on Monday so hopefully I'll have some more to write about in the coming weeks.  For now, even though I don't have a lot of direction, I'm really happy with my new position and am looking forward to learning new things and becoming an expert in my field. 

Congratulatory flowers and wine from Bryann  :-)  

Job Updates

Things have taken an upward swing on the job front.  After about 3 weeks of applying to mass amounts of jobs online, I met with Willamette's Alumni Advisor and career counselor who advised me to stop applying to mass amounts of jobs online and start networking with people. 

She told me about a Willamette grad of '84, who ran around the Seattle corporate world and ran job-seeking conferences now and then promoting her "100 cups of coffee" theory.  Don't try to Google it - you'll only get bloggers prowling for men.  But the theory is kind of the same.  If you network with enough people and put yourself out there, eventually something good will come along.  In the job scenario it's a bit more like a pyramid scheme.  You grab coffee and network with 100 people, and those 100 people keep you in mind in the future, or start mentioning you to their hiring manager when open positions come along, and pretty soon you have people approaching you about jobs, instead of the other way around. 

I decided 100 cups was a little daunting, so Paul, my friend and pro-Bono career counselor (yes, getting me a job is for the public good!) helped me break it down into more manageable weekly and monthly goals.  It soon because Project: 50 Cups and the rules bent a little.  I've been meeting with people face-to-face, but more often than not the conversation happens gradually over the phone or through a series of emails.  And it's been working.  I started talking to friends, neighbors, Linked-In connections, and some old connections from other jobs, and they've been connecting me with other good people to talk to, and lately I've been getting job postings sent to me.  I'm on my 26th contact and I've been seeing some good results this week.  I've had a few calls for interviews and I'm starting to see things turn around.  

I recently started temping as an Office Assistant in a small furniture distribution company in Tigard.  I'm enjoying having something to do everyday (and I think Bryann enjoys me not moping around the house all day, still unchanged and un-showered when he gets home, feeling sorry for myself.)  I'll be honest, the computer was quickly becoming my nemesis, so I'm glad to be out of the house and making myself useful.  Things have started to pick up, so I'm optimistic that something more long-term will happen soon. 

Questionable Ethics and the Anger that Follows

One of my ex-co-worker/friends called me yesterday and had news he wanted to make sure I heard from him and not through the grapevine.

Apparently the layoffs were all a lie.  They're hiring other teachers.  They hired another math teacher, but with a math/science endorsement.  Perhaps they wanted a different staff with overlapping endorsements.  Perhaps they wanted a younger, less experienced staff so they didn't have to pay them as much as the people they laid off with Master's Degrees.  

They found out that Matt, the friend that called me, had been applying to other jobs, so they posted his position on CL and are making him reapply...  Does this sound crazy to anyone else?  They're making Matt REAPPLY to his OWN job because he was applying to other positions.  Is that legal?!  

They did the same thing to another ex-co-worker/friend two years ago after half the staff quit on them.  They called her and asked if she was looking at other jobs.  She made the mistake of being honest with them and admitted she had been, just keeping her options open.  They posted her job and made her reapply.  

I'm still not sad to be out of there.  You can see how completely preposterous and unethical the business practices are at that place.  But man I'm angry as hell.  I'm so angry that it's an anger that's buried and I've lost the words the describe how angry I am.  It's an anger that kept me up all night.  The people that run that school are sneaky, deceptive, unethical, and manipulative.  And I'm angry that I couldn't leave on my own terms and tell them where to shove it.  

Life in Limbo

(Prologue... Yes, I know it has been a long time since I posted.  Yes, I know that my adoring fans have been waiting with bated breaths for me to resume cataloging my every thought.  I got a bit overwhelmed with life in general since February and couldn't really bring myself to make time to write about it all... You'll see why in the coming post...)

Before I start actually blogging about specific topics, I think I need to just give myself a chance to close my eyes and just type away.  That's usually when I can write about the things that have been weighing on my mind.  Just a stream-of-consciousness type of writing that tends to get everything that's been bottled up, out in the open, and frees up my subconscious a bit.

I used to write a LOT when I was in my formative years.  I had a super nice sprial notebook - two actually - that I used for my journal. With thick paper and the stiff cardboard cover.  I'd write almost every single day from 8th grade onward.  It was usually just jibberish that I could never bring myself to read later on because it was either too embarassing to be face to face with my raw emotions, or it wasn't a reflection of how a truly felt.  But writing always made me feel better, like working out, or deep-cleaning my house.  It released a blockage that allowed me to be freer.  Happier?

So I guess that's why I blog.  Not because I have anything particularly interesting that I want the world to know about.  But to free up my mind.  I know I could do this in private - some posts do end up going in the private bin - but I also like knowing that there are people out there that are interested enough in my life and my thoughts to check in and read my out-there inner monologues.  Hi mom!  Hi Reezy!  :-)

Anyway... Life in limbo.  I guess since February, things at work started getting pretty awful.  Things had been going pretty well before then, but suddenly administration got really angsty and uptight and started the whole passive-aggressive administrating routine that almost drove me to quit my first year there.  It turns out, budgets got cut in every school district that we did business with, so our budget got cut, so 4 out of 7 teachers got laid off - myself included.  Which I hold is a good thing for me.  I didn't want to work there, but I was having a hard time finding a way out.  Now I'm out, with stellar references, and unemployment to hold us through until I find another job!  I was hoping to make it another year there, so Bryann and I could finish paying off our loans, but that was just not to be.  Hopefully it will turn out to be a "blessing in disguise" sort of a situation.

Thank goodness we started paying off our student loans when we did!  Since we got really serious about becoming debt-free, we've paid off nearly $30,000 since November 2011!  If we hadn't, our minimum payments would have been nearly unmanageable at this point with me out of work and surviving on Bryann's salary and unemployment.  But as it stands, we only have $150 loan payment, and one loan left!  Here's the board update:

We had hoped to be completely debt-free by May of 2013, but I think that pay-off date has been pushed back by quite a bit.  Bryann has been strongly considering going back to school to get his MBA, so if we cash flow that, it'll be another year after he graduates in 2015 until we can payoff that last student loan.  There are a lot of things still up in the air, but I'm happy with where we are, and I'm proud of us and all of the sacrifices we've had to make in the last year in order to make this happen.

In the meanwhile, I'm job-hunting.  Paul is being super-amazing and is basically being my job-hunting coach. He's meeting with me weekly to help keep me accountable to someone and to offer whatever insights and advice he can.  The theory we're working on is that the more applications I have out there, and the more people I get connected to and talking about their companies, the higher my chances of landing a good position and not working at a gas station.  My goal is to apply to 30 jobs this week, and I'm at 18 currently.  (I'm procrastinating and writing this blog post because I got real tired of copy-pasting my work history over and over again on applications.)  I don't have a particular job narrowed down.  I'm looking at Training, HR, Admin, Accounting assisting, Analyst assisting, and Education consulting.

How am I doing?  That's a great question.  It's been difficult to get out of bed and get moving.  I'm half-way through the 4th season of "Dawson's Creek".  My house is a disaster and looks like college boys have been living in it for months.  Currently it's 3:51 and I'm still in my pajamas and I haven't showered.  But I'm making progress, I guess.  I think being laid off, or being without work has the same stages as grief.  Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance.  Maybe I'll throw in another one - Drive.  I'm currently still in the Anger phase, mixed a little with Bargaining ("If only I could just go back in time and do it again, I'd pick the 'right' major, and start my career on the 'right' track") and Depression (see current state at 3:51 pm.)

But I know I'll get through it.  Left-foot, right-foot.  It just super-sucks in the meantime.  As much as I promote myself as an adventurer and free-spirit, I hate the unknown.  I like to have things planned out, and have life be predictable.  I like to know what the next step is.  And right now, I don't.  I just have to put myself out there, be vulnerable, prepare myself for a lot of rejection, and have faith that there are no mistakes.  That everything happens for a reason.  That my life will be the better for the challenges that I've survived, and the trials that I've faced.

Until then, here's a cute picture of my dog (taken while still in bed, watching "Dawson's Creek" this morning...)