Reflections of a 30-something and Resolutions for a New Year

When I was younger (like tweens and teens,) I had a lot of "philosophical" conversations with my parents friends at their Friday night Yacht Club events.  One conversation has stuck out in particular all these years later (...and I don't know why I remember this so vividly, but for some reason it made a huge impact on me.)  I suppose we were talking about what I wanted to do when I grow up, and I suppose I said something about when I thought people were too "old" for stuff, because for some reason I had a list of things I HAD to accomplish before I was 30 or it would be too late.  I don't know - the silly mind of a silly young Kristi...  Anyway, the group of adults I was talking to were taken aback that I thought 30 was old.  The women told me how much they enjoyed their 30's, and the men told me how women are SO much more attractive in their 30's.  They said, essentially, it was because when you're in your 30's, you've not only figured out who you really are, but you're OK with who you are and you start to LIKE who you are.  I guess this struck me so heavily because when I was a tween/teen, I didn't really like myself.  I had zero self-esteem, I didn't think I was "good enough" at anything, and I didn't know myself very well.  I tried on a billion different hats growing up.  I ran in several different groups of friends, I tried a bunch of sports and extra-curriculars, and I have a sense now that I was always trying to be someone else because everyone else seemed happier than I was.

So fast forward 15 years, and here I am, in my 30's.  Am I happier?  You betcha!  More content with who I am?  Absotutely!  It didn't happen all of a sudden, but I'd say I've noticed a big change even over the last 2 years.  I have a pretty good sense of who I am, and sometimes more importantly, who I'm not.  I'm probably never going to be a big crafter, or sewer, or super amazing cook.  My house will probably never be as clean as I want it to be, and my car will probably always have garbage in the back seat.  These are not things I'm particularly proud of about myself, but I'm cutting myself a little slack, because those are things that don't really matter in the grand scheme of life.  I'm no longer trying to be perfect.  I'm just happy to be me.

I'm a lover, and a giver, and I like to smile and laugh and be active and I really enjoy the company of others.  I'm relatively lazy.  I don't compare my life to others' lives as much as I used to.  I'm grateful at the end of each day for everything I have, and I don't often have regrets.  I've spent 90% of my life so far trying to figure out who I am, and I finally have a good sense of myself, and have come to peace with who I am.

So as I end the last day of my 31st year of life, there are very few things I need to "resolve" to do next year.  Really, they are just a continuation of things I've been working on and ways that I can be a happier, more content person.

1 - Be active.  I love walking, hiking, and going to fitness classes - yoga, pilates, zumba, etc.  I'm going to continue being an active person, and hopefully get out more this year than I did last year - but I'm partially blaming that on being pregnant, moving, remodeling our house, and having a newborn.  All things considered, I still got out for lots of walks, and did video yoga quite a bit with Annie.

2 - Kick our Budget's Ass!  After a big move, and LOTS of new-house expenses, and LOTS of new-baby expenses, we're getting back on the wagon as far as our household budget is concerned.  We've set up a good budget that I think we can live comfortably within, and we have money set aside for our future financial goals and debt payoffs.  Both Bryann and I tend to be impulse buyers though, so it's time to reign that in and get back to purchasing only what we need and plan for. 

2A - Meal Plan. We've done this (spottily) in the past and it's decreased our grocery budget AND helped us to eat healthier, so I'd like to be better about it this year.  When I plan meals, I find we waste less produce, eat out less at fast food places, and consolidate our grocery trips to only go out when we have a goodly long list of things we need for the next week or so. 

3 - Work on the Four Aggreements - This book was recommended to me by my therapist when I was going through my major depressive phase in college, and I didn't quite "get" it back then.  But I've revisited these ideas since and I've found that when I put them into action, I'm a happier person, I have more integrity, and I like myself a lot more.

1. Be impeccable with my word. - Essentially say what I mean, and mean what I say.  Don't use my words to gossip about others or put down myself.  Use my word for positive thoughts and actions, and send good juju out into the world.
2. Don't take anything personally.  Everyone is on their own course and pretty much nothing anyone says or does is about ME.  It's about them and whatever they're going through.  Trust that if something IS about me, that someone else will tell me so and we'll be able to work it out.  This also ties in pretty heavily with Crucial Conversations which has also helped me a lot just to re-work the way I think about other people's actions.  I've been able to work on this a lot this past year, and I'm seriously a happier person for it.  

4 - Be the best Mom I can be.  I don't really think I need to do anything differently for my little girl.  I'm a pretty awesome mom as it stands right now.  I've really taken to the new role, and I love that little bug more than anything else in the world!  I just want to continue doing the best I know how, giving her the time and attention she needs, the love she craves, and the experiences she'll thrive on.