(What I do when I'm faced with something new is read and research and over-educate myself about it so I'm uber prepared. So one of the things I read about when I was reading and researching and overly-educating myself about my newfangled condition was to start a pregnancy journal and write down my thoughts every day. So here are my thoughts today...)
Holy fu*#ing sh*t I'm pregnant. I can't believe I'm pregnant. This is completely unfathomable, though I can't pretend to not understand how it happened... hahahahahahahahahah The PLAN was to avoid relations when my handy dandy calendar said I was probably ovulating. The problem is that I'd gotten pretty lazy with it and wasn't checking it religiously like I used to. So when said relations happened and Bryann made a comment afterwards, like he usual does, about how his super powerful sperm probably just impregnated me, I realized I hadn't looked to make sure it was a non-fertile day. Sure enough, my handy dandy calendar said I would be ovulating the next day, but I was sure our one mishap wouldn't result in a pregnancy. I had actually convinced myself that we would have a really difficult time getting pregnant. Over the last year, I've met 4 women my age who have been trying to conceive for YEARS, some of whom have even tried fertility treatmtents, to no avail. Which is a large part of the reason that we've been so careless the last year or so. These women advised me to just stop NOT trying, so I wouldn't be stressed out TRYING, and make it harder to conceive. When we got married I stopped taking birth control, figuring that if we did accidentally get pregnant, we were ready and could handle it.
Anyway, I thought there was a chance I was pregnant just because of the timing, so I took a pregnancy test last week (12 days after the possible conception) and it was negative. So I figured I was good to go for a weekend of drinking - a beer on Friday and lots of wine at Wine & Dine on Saturday. According to my calendar, my period was supposed to start Friday, but it didn't and I wasn't worried because I'm usually on a 30-day cycle instead of the 28 day on the calendar. So I wasn't even concerned when it didn't start Saturday. I was getting the usual symptoms, so I figured it would start Sunday. But still no period Sunday. Plus the symptoms were a little different than usual. By late Sunday night, I had a gut feeling that something was up and asked Bryann if I was just being paranoid of if he would go to the store and pick up another test. He said I was being paranoid, but if it didn't start today, to go ahead and re-test. No period this morning, slightly different cramps and tenderness, a lot suspicious. On my break, I went to the store to get a test, peed in a cup, saw it turn a very very bright pink and unmistakably positive, and freaked out. A lot.
I called Bryann like 11 times because he didn't pick up his phone, and almost called my mom, but Bryann got out of his meeting and called me back. He was very excited, and slightly teary, and noticeably more thrilled than I was. I told Alesia, my co-worker and panel presentation partner, because she noticed something was amiss, and then later that day I called Annie because she is pregnant, and she talked me down from my ledge - telling me not to worry and that the baby wasn't attached at this point to my uterine wall, and wasn't getting any nutrients directly from my food/beverage intake, and the changes of miscarriage were actually quite low from drinking just one weekend. She came over after work and brought me another pregnancy test. Still very bright pink, still definitely pregnant. She talked to us more, and commiserated, gave some advice, showed me some helpful websites, and I've been reading and researching ever since.
Conception was Nov. 29th, so I'm currently, technically, in week 5 of my pregnancy (even though it's only week 3 since conception) with a due date of August 23rd, 2013. Right now, baby is the size of an orange seed and apparently looks like a tadpole. I'm supposed to start taking prenatal vitamins, drink more water, eat more super foods, and ween myself off of caffeine. So far I'm just pregnant. I'm still in disbelief. This is really not a great time for us to be pregnant. Bryann just started school, and I wanted to be in a better financial position. I wanted him to be done with school, I wanted to have our student loans paid off, and I wanted to have a plan in place before any of this baby stuff happened. But I would rather be surprised pregnant, than all planned and ready to go and then have a hard time conceiving and the be stressed about the process. I know we'll figure it out and we have a fantastic support network around us.
I'm done with my thoughts now. Not my best piece of writing, but maybe I'll get more eloquent when it sinks in a little more. :-)
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